The general public has been recently blasted with ads for a cool new AAA video called Death Stranding, featuring many familiar faces such as that guy from the walking dead, and a fat guy, except in the video all of the people look kind of plastic or something and the light in the video is a little weird, and the walking dead guy is holding a baby!

If this describes you, don't worry, this confusion is normal. What you've just seen is an advertisement for a video game. While alien to most, including many games journalist, video games have been becoming mainstream with many respectable companies like EA creating sportsball focused video games.

Well known actor showing off his latest toy sunglasses

You may be tempted to try out this confusing wet dream of a linear choose your own adventure "video game", so we've taken some time out of our day to study it.

The main concern that people have going into Death Stranding, is that since it's praised by such a small and unknown crowd, is it racist? Many people have been tricked into using racist symbols such as the OK hand (👌), the bro fist (👊), and the thumbs up (👍) which have been known to have been used by racist, basement dwelling troglodytes, so we investigated this product to see if it's safe to consume.

What appears to be a depiction of a homeless encampment on the streets of San Francisco

The verdict

Good news everyone, Death Stranding isn't racist. We studied it long and hard, and it actually contains a rather touching story of Norman Reedus, a single mother of an unborn adopted child, making amazon prime deliveries to blue see-through people, while struggling to cope with uninvited guests in his underground studio apartment, and society, which is represented by handcuffs that he wears throughout the story.

The truth

Unfortunately, even racist people occasionally indulge in normal things, like filing taxes, and accidentally breaking the toilet paper while wiping then smelling their fingers. Unfortunately there's a social stigma attached to video games, your neighbors will harshly judge you if they see you playing it through an open window or a keyhole.

Crying man

Also, Kyle, our intern that we forced to play this game in one sitting since we heard it was "like a movie", actually gave up approximately 5 hours in, chugged a monster energy drink, and punched one of the management staff involved in the decision to make him play the game in the face, who was of Hispanic decent. While he was doing this, he made one of the racist hand symbols, the bro fist (👊), which was very shocking, so we fired him for hate speech.

[Update]

The director of the game Death Stranding, Hideo Kojima has recently complained that video game critics (or in other words, games journalists) might not be able to relate to the general audience that he intended to reach with his game.

Our only response to this, is that we're professionals who take our job seriously. And maybe the "general audience" he's trying to reach, is really a bunch of basement dwelling, racist, elite hackers, who wouldn't know art if it hit them over the head.